Collect BEFORE you Direct

How do we get our children to cooperate?

Have you ever been asked to do something and not really feel like doing it?
Do you begrudgingly comply?
Do you carry out the task with attitude?

Our children feel this way most times..
How do we turn this around?

Let's explore the why's behind these feelings first.

When you are requested to perform a task that has been shouted from another room (or, conversely, when you ask your husband to do something while he is the middle of doing something else) we most likely feel like ignoring them or saying do it yourself. We may even feel the hairs on the back of our neck stand up.

Why do we react this way?

It's actually a pretty simply answer. We were not feeling connected to the person making the request. We did not feel in 'right relationship' to that person.

What this means is that because there was no caring feelings within us at that moment ,our automatic response is a resounding NO! being shouted in our head.
This is nature's normal response. It is what our brain was designed to do. It is nature's way of protecting our children to not do the bidding of those they are not attached to.

Now that we understand this is a normal response, we can understand how we need to engage the brain to develop the will to comply with requests.

1) COLLECTING BEFORE DIRECTING

This means making eye contact, getting a smile, and then a nod.
Think about when you greet your friend or spouse. If that person won't look at you, or give you a smile, you instinctively feel like something is wrong. It feels uncomfortable. It feels strained, and you feel like you need to fix it.
If you meet a friend or spouse and you have good eye contact, your smile is returned, and you get them to agree about something like, "Isn't it a beautiful day?" You feel aligned with that person. As you're saying this, your head is nodding and you will notice that their head begins to nod as well. This would be the perfect time to slip in a request because they are already nodding yes, and are more likely to carry out the request.

The same is true of our children.

How many times have you yelled down the stairs that dinner's ready, or to come set the table, with no response?

I have done this and feel like I am hitting my head against the wall over and over again!!
It is not my children who have not learned, it is me who has not realized that this doesn't work and I repeat it over and over again.

If I go down the stairs and get in their space in a friendly way (get their eyes, a smile, and a nod) then they immediately do what is asked.
It could be they are playing a video game, so the scenario may go something like this...

"Oh, that looks like an interesting game."(In his space in a friendly way)
"Yes, I have almost beat this part"(Eye contact)
"Wow, that's impressive,"(He's nodding with you)(You slip in the request) "Could you just put it on pause while you come set the table for dinner?"
"Can I have 2 more minutes?"
"I could give you 2 more minutes, but it would be really helpful to me if you could do it now."
"Ok, I can pause it."

What you have done here is COLLECTED them before you DIRECTED them.
Its a small thing but has BIG results.

It works great on spouses too!!

My challenge to you is this:
try it for a week and then post your comments and let us know how it worked for you...